'M' for Mango and Marriages

The very month May is an extensively voluminous platform of immensely evocative 3 most satire M's of an average Indian life style...

Mangoes

Monsoon

and Marriages!!

Mangoes has a Vital role in the rant below, Monsoon can wait, but the subject of vociferation is the  

Big Fat Indian "Mammoth Marriages".

Its again that season of the year, when Mangoes and Marriages are on rise in the Market!!

The price is exponentially proportional to the quality, is a given (underlined). Then comes "love marriages", as it goes in the SMS forward, it is a "trench" we are pretty familiar with, but still have a madness to jump into. There has to be somebody down there to catch you as you fall in! But my point is, it is a bottomless pit, you just keep falling in deeper and deeper. "Black hole", might as well sound Spooky, save this for a few vital differences if you have any, I would gladly say "U lucky basterd" with a wink. If we now may get back what I was trying to put across, in the case of a movie, screen play is the whole substance, You know reading the screenplay will let you in on every secret of the film, likewise in the love marriages, you know everything about your life partner (whatever) and take away the element of surprise. Wouldn’t you rather just wait and be "wow"ed on screen? and get oodles of "surprise..surprise..surprise", until when? May be an year. Now I know that is the limit.

A dear friend always said, "Mobile phones and Marriages are like ordering your food at the restaurant and then looking at the neighboring table and then wished you had that!", today as I lean back and do some introspection, I understand how true a 'satire' it was! 

Hear, hear.. It would not be my arrogance if I listlessly called 'the bride' and 'the groom' as 'Scape goat' anywhere down this trivial talk, evidently half the married couples haven't raised a voice when are openly humiliated by the stand-up comedians in all shows, apparently they are wise enough to know it is good to succumb to the "FACTS", if I have any buyers to my talk, I would say, "bitter truth" head held high!

The iconic Indian wedding got a face lift post the IT revolution. Not so long ago, it was 'simple and sweet', having the family and friends around, there used to be a simple yet logical ringing ceremony, followed by a traditional wedding in a mediocre wedding hall and a so called (considerably) grand reception. Clean swept by "Theme weddings" by the event management folks and wedding planners, all material and money oriented. Not just it, there is more to it, the duration of marriages stretch from anywhere 3-7 days shamelessly and conveniently. There is a Special day meant for Mehandi, I mean Gross! The cow dung colored Henna, the very odor sends my head reeling. Forgive the harsh set of words there, but if you go by looks, that what its appearance is like and smells like one too! All the lovely ladies gather one evening, tease the poor little bride and sing and dance and finally leave with a plush meal, wedding is for foodies, those who are on crash diet for Kareena's size 0, may opt out for their own good! 

Now this is going too far. Talk of the jewels, Gold rings are being replaced unreasonably by Platinum and diamonds! There are exclusive wedding shoppe for the respective theme, costumes for both bride and groom and their families are  fitted so immaculately that even the eschewing aunties and uncles with beer bellies are compelled to wear belts and suspenders for the sake of the designer attire.  And up there, in the Northern India,  movies of Yash Raj and Barjatyas say it all. Who can forget Hum apke hain kaun or DDLJ? Bollywood impact has been so intense that, the once simple marriages  has increasingly and tragically been homogenised, moulded to more modern tastes. And to sponsor demands and cater the needs of this Information age.

When the rant is about weddings, It is a fine time to revisit SRK's masterpiece, DDLJ with many of my generation awestruck as they watch it in theatres for the first time. I was 7 when it originally released. A terrifically taut drama that unspools with ruthless elegance and frequently leaves us wanting for more, thanks to both cinematic craft and emotional heft, DDLJ is unquestionably one of the finest Hindi language films of the last thirty years. Ask people who were born in late 80's and early 90's, without blinking an eyelid they will say "DDLJ is my all time favorite".  May be that is we all want to "fall in love". But you know that already. One word "Timeless Legend".

I have always been distrustful of Golden Mangoes and for some reasons the Gold Jewellery, anyway there is nobody giving a straw to my erratic deranged whacky little mind, but like I always say I have an opinion, it never kills to have one. The poor bride tries her best to look graceful despite of the designer saree which probably weighs few pounds more than her weight, and why, she has to look aesthetically charming, it the the biggest day of her life after all. As she struggles her way filling in those aural blanks when everything else is in place, or maybe there are some cards even she likes to play close to her chest, but the theme of the wedding doesn’t give these away. All the script says is “Cue cool music,” and lets the onlookers brain explode with possibility, just as it does when the camera moves away from the ear-slicing live music and lets us fill in our own horror. And the lunch and dinner buffets, it would be a lot better unsaid! With changing times the honeymooning destinations too changed drastically, from Darjeeling and Shimla to Switzerland and Venice! The worst is yet to come.

The only solace amidst all annoyance is the fact that we get to meet old long lost buddies like in the 'Kumbh Ke Mele', not to mention the free meal tickets. It dawns relief to however perplex a state of mind. It keeps me going.

I have asked myself a million times over, why people say "wedding" is the best thing that ever happened to me! There is some gimmickry then, yes, but when the balance between love and marriage is so perfectly struck, the word "wizardry" seems a lot more appropriate, like I mentioned above, it’s just "short lived", there is a sequel to this chapter!! People are foolish enough to overlook this part, or just too ashamed to wash the dirty linen in public.

When we go to the market to buy some ripe mangoes, we go by its aroma and of course the peel on it, the color precisely, we decide its ripe to buy it just by the alluring cover it has, goes the same with Indian weddings, first comes the cover i.e the looks of bride and groom and then their respective families. In case of mangoes, post dissection, we will actually get to relish the taste of it. So are the marriages! need I say more? I guess not.  And not to mention, the much anticipated arrival of mango this season is not really worth the hype and the wait! Highly disappointed here.

The worst part is when we to inevitably bump into some old freaks and seek their blessings unwillingly, when they try to act funny with that weird gesture and provocative jeering tone "next is yours", the voices in my head muttered, "u fatty, wait till I meet you at a funeral next time, you will hear me say, next is you", as I manage to pull a foolish grin on this stupid face! I have one word for this :"brickbat"

It would make me a prejudiced anti-semitic illiberal racist if I went completely fulminating against marriages, so why not write a few favorable lines, not at anybody's cost though. In those days, marriages used to be the divine bonding between the agreeing and equally needful souls, today things are different, I heard somebody saying "it’s an understatement", well that makes two of us then!

Here is a little piece of trauma happening in my mind, It’s better to move at a snail pace than go extinct. This state of mind is very agitated though. I'm not sure what the misery is all about! It is like a canoe stuck in a whirlpool. Sail set against the harsh tempest! The state of witnessing is stupendous. Some horrifying feeling. Sometimes it even feels like I have been overtaken by my mind. I don't understand whether it is because all my dear pallies my age are either engaged or married already, busy building their own lives! It feels like an impossible existence. I felt left out in every social gathering when i see my buddies walk in proudly with their spouse hand in hand, I'm just an onlooker, and feel a pang of sorrow some uneasy energy rush up and down my spine!  I think and ponder all day long, on the mysteries underneath existence, this trauma and this loneliness. What is that I'm missing? My friends? Or that somebody whom I can call 'Mine'? Is it some sort of insecurity? Is it just the "age factor"? Perhaps, I have become indecisive, all leading to more perplexed state. I accuse and blame the existence for my past. There remains a lump in my throat, that just doesn't go. I'm in utter disagreement with myself. I can’t conclude upon what is wrong! Melancholy, I would dare not discuss this even with my closest pals, as a matter of fact, this wretchedness paving way to all epiphoric grief is pretty terrifying. I don’t like myself and anyone associated with me. Neither do I like anybody to know this, forget about judging this.

Dear May!!

Here you come again... Baah! who was missing you anyway?

Your sincerely,

Unmarried miserable people.

As I write this, there my loving cousin Pooja all is set to step into the auspicious wedlock!

I miss those days when it was just the three of us little girlies 'self assuming' ourselves as the "Ms earth, Ms world and Ms universe" tip toed flaunting the belle shoe, down all the busy streets of Bengaluru and Chennai.. Those little trips to Marina beach, VGP and movies..Girls night outs and cookery competitions. The eat streets and pavement shopping for colorful studs down the Ranganatha St. I just happened to pull out a conch and a seashell out of my rucksack a couple of days ago! Caressing it and re-living those never ending summer vacations and those games and fights for Ice creams. The Padiyappa movie we watched at Satyam and got awestruck for a whole week! And the fight for popcorn between me and Mona! The hush hush about the spilled Nail color and the Tom and Jerry video tapes! Flood of memories they say. When I was passing by Nehru Planetarium a week ago, I couldn't help but remember our first visit to the "Star city" or that is what we called it. And that sleepless night we spent over the terrace for some meteor sighting. An emotional outburst, I tried hard fighting back the tears.

Even to this day whenever I stand in my balcony doing sky gazing, I remember the bickering we had about "who is the Queen of which planet".. Wasn't life a lot more simpler then?

I will miss you Poo.