The very month May is an extensively voluminous platform of
immensely evocative 3 most satire M's of an average Indian life style...
Mangoes
Monsoon
and Marriages!!
Mangoes has a Vital role in the rant below, Monsoon can wait, but
the subject of vociferation is the
Big Fat Indian "Mammoth Marriages".
Its again that season of the year, when Mangoes and Marriages are
on rise in the Market!!
The price is exponentially proportional to the quality, is a given
(underlined). Then comes "love marriages", as it goes in the SMS
forward, it is a "trench" we are pretty familiar with, but still have
a madness to jump into. There has to be somebody down there to catch you as you
fall in! But my point is, it is a bottomless pit, you just keep falling in deeper
and deeper. "Black hole", might as well sound Spooky, save this for a
few vital differences if you have any, I would gladly say "U lucky
basterd" with a wink. If we now may get back what I was trying to put
across, in the case of a movie, screen play is the whole substance, You know reading the screenplay will let you in
on every secret of the film, likewise in the love marriages, you know
everything about your life partner (whatever) and take away the element of
surprise. Wouldn’t you rather just wait and be "wow"ed on
screen? and get oodles of "surprise..surprise..surprise", until when?
May be an year. Now I know that is the limit.
A dear friend always said, "Mobile phones
and Marriages are like ordering your food at the restaurant and then looking at
the neighboring table and then wished you had that!", today as I lean back
and do some introspection, I understand how true a 'satire' it was!
Hear, hear.. It would not be my arrogance if I
listlessly called 'the bride' and 'the groom' as 'Scape goat' anywhere down
this trivial talk, evidently half the married couples haven't raised a voice
when are openly humiliated by the stand-up comedians in all shows, apparently
they are wise enough to know it is good to succumb to the "FACTS", if
I have any buyers to my talk, I would say, "bitter truth" head
held high!
The iconic Indian wedding got a face lift post the IT revolution.
Not so long ago, it was 'simple and sweet', having the family and friends
around, there used to be a simple yet logical ringing ceremony, followed by a
traditional wedding in a mediocre wedding hall and a so called (considerably)
grand reception. Clean swept by "Theme weddings" by the event
management folks and wedding planners, all material and money oriented. Not
just it, there is more to it, the duration of marriages stretch from anywhere
3-7 days shamelessly and conveniently. There is a Special day meant for
Mehandi, I mean Gross! The cow dung colored Henna, the very odor sends my head
reeling. Forgive the harsh set of words there, but if you go by looks, that
what its appearance is like and smells like one too! All the lovely ladies
gather one evening, tease the poor little bride and sing and dance and finally
leave with a plush meal, wedding is for foodies, those who are on crash diet
for Kareena's size 0, may opt out for their own good!
Now this is going too far. Talk of the jewels,
Gold rings are being replaced unreasonably by Platinum and diamonds! There are
exclusive wedding shoppe for the respective theme, costumes for both bride and
groom and their families are fitted so immaculately that even the
eschewing aunties and uncles with beer bellies are compelled to wear belts and
suspenders for the sake of the designer attire. And up there, in the
Northern India, movies of Yash Raj and Barjatyas say it all. Who can
forget Hum apke hain kaun or DDLJ? Bollywood impact has been so intense that,
the once simple marriages has increasingly and tragically been
homogenised, moulded to more modern tastes. And to sponsor demands and cater
the needs of this Information age.
When the rant is about weddings, It is a fine
time to revisit SRK's masterpiece, DDLJ with many of my
generation awestruck as they watch it in theatres for the first time. I was 7
when it originally released. A terrifically taut drama that unspools with
ruthless elegance and frequently leaves us wanting for more, thanks to both
cinematic craft and emotional heft, DDLJ is unquestionably one of the
finest Hindi language films of the last thirty years. Ask people who were born
in late 80's and early 90's, without blinking an eyelid they will say
"DDLJ is my all time favorite". May be that is we all want to
"fall in love". But you know that already. One word "Timeless
Legend".
I have always been distrustful of Golden Mangoes
and for some reasons the Gold Jewellery, anyway there is nobody giving a straw
to my erratic deranged whacky little mind, but like I always say I have an
opinion, it never kills to have one. The poor bride tries her best to look
graceful despite of the designer saree which probably weighs few pounds more
than her weight, and why, she has to look aesthetically charming, it the the
biggest day of her life after all. As she struggles her way filling in
those aural blanks when everything else is in place, or maybe there are
some cards even she likes to play close to her chest, but the theme of the
wedding doesn’t give these away. All the script says is “Cue cool music,” and
lets the onlookers brain explode with possibility, just as it does when
the camera moves away from the ear-slicing live music and lets us fill in
our own horror. And the lunch and dinner buffets, it would be a lot better
unsaid! With changing times the honeymooning destinations too changed
drastically, from Darjeeling and Shimla to Switzerland and Venice!
The only solace amidst all annoyance is the fact
that we get to meet old long lost buddies like in the 'Kumbh Ke Mele', not to
mention the free meal tickets. It dawns relief to however perplex a state of
mind. It keeps me going.
I have asked myself a million times over, why
people say "wedding" is the best thing that ever happened to
me! There is some gimmickry then, yes, but when the balance between love
and marriage is so perfectly struck, the word "wizardry" seems a lot
more appropriate, like I mentioned above, it’s just "short lived",
there is a sequel to this chapter!! People are foolish enough to overlook this
part, or just too ashamed to wash the dirty linen in public.
When we go to the market to buy some ripe
mangoes, we go by its aroma and of course the peel on it, the color precisely,
we decide its ripe to buy it just by the alluring cover it has, goes the same
with Indian weddings, first comes the cover i.e the looks of bride and groom
and then their respective families. In case of mangoes, post dissection, we
will actually get to relish the taste of it. So are the marriages! need I say
more? I guess not.
The worst part is when we to inevitably bump into
some old freaks and seek their blessings unwillingly, when they try to act
funny with that weird gesture and provocative jeering tone "next is
yours", the voices in my head muttered, "u fatty, wait till I meet
you at a funeral next time, you will hear me say, next is you", as I
manage to pull a foolish grin on this stupid face! I have one word for this
:"brickbat"
It would make me a prejudiced anti-semitic
illiberal racist if I went completely fulminating against marriages, so why not
write a few favorable lines, not at anybody's cost though. In those days,
marriages used to be the divine bonding between the agreeing and equally
needful souls, today things are different, I heard somebody saying "it’s
an understatement", well that makes two of us then!
Here is a little piece of trauma happening in my
mind, It’s better to move at a snail pace than go extinct. This state of mind
is very agitated though. I'm not sure what the misery is all about! It is like
a canoe stuck in a whirlpool. Sail set against the harsh tempest! The state of
witnessing is stupendous. Some horrifying feeling. Sometimes it even feels like
I have been overtaken by my mind. I don't understand whether it is because all
my dear pallies my age are either engaged or married already, busy building
their own lives! It feels like an impossible existence. I felt left out in
every social gathering when i see my buddies walk in proudly with their spouse
hand in hand, I'm just an onlooker, and feel a pang of sorrow some uneasy
energy rush up and down my spine! I think and ponder all day long, on the
mysteries underneath existence, this trauma and this loneliness. What is that
I'm missing? My friends? Or that somebody whom I can call 'Mine'? Is it
some sort of insecurity? Is it just the "age factor"? Perhaps, I
have become indecisive, all leading to more perplexed state. I accuse and blame
the existence for my past. There remains a lump in my throat, that just doesn't
go. I'm in utter disagreement with myself. I can’t conclude upon what is wrong!
Melancholy, I would dare not discuss this even with my closest pals, as a
matter of fact, this wretchedness paving way to all epiphoric grief is pretty
terrifying. I don’t like myself and anyone associated with me. Neither do I
like anybody to know this, forget about judging this.
Dear May!!
Here you come again... Baah! who was missing you anyway?
Your sincerely,
Unmarried miserable people.
As I write this, there my loving cousin Pooja all is set to step
into the auspicious wedlock!
I miss those days when it was just the three of us little girlies
'self assuming' ourselves as the "Ms earth, Ms world and Ms universe"
tip toed flaunting the belle shoe, down all the busy streets of Bengaluru and
Chennai.. Those little trips to Marina beach, VGP and movies..Girls night outs
and cookery competitions. The eat streets and pavement shopping for colorful
studs down the Ranganatha St. I just happened to pull out a conch and a
seashell out of my rucksack a couple of days ago! Caressing it and re-living
those never ending summer vacations and those games and fights for Ice creams. The
Padiyappa movie we watched at Satyam and got awestruck for a whole week! And
the fight for popcorn between me and Mona! The hush hush about the spilled Nail
color and the Tom and Jerry video tapes! Flood of memories they say. When I was
passing by Nehru Planetarium a week ago, I couldn't help but remember our first
visit to the "Star city" or that is what we called it. And that
sleepless night we spent over the terrace for some meteor sighting. An
emotional outburst, I tried hard fighting back the tears.
Even to this day whenever I stand in my balcony doing sky gazing,
I remember the bickering we had about "who is the Queen of which
planet".. Wasn't life a lot more simpler then?
I will miss you Poo.
